[chucktx]

Hillary's Indian Name

Hillary's Injun Name

True story, Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of The American Indian nation two weeks ago in upper New York State ....

She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President.

She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES," for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval. Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".


At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name



Walking Eagle.

The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs of how they had come to select the new name given to the Senator.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of **** it can no longer fly.

[mwelych]

[Tiny86]

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Just lay back & take it easy... I'll do the rest."
"How long do I beat it before it's ready

[bikerputz]

The Worst Little Johnny Joke Ever!!



One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room
to check it out.
He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going
at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as
Johnny closed the door.

After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He
opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and
little Johnny going at it behind her.

Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!"

Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when its your mom is it?!"

[wvak47]

New twist on the 3 Little Pigs

The big bad wolf comes to the door of the first little pig. He knocks and proclaims, “Little pig, little pig let me in, or I will huff and puff and blow your house down.”

The little pig runs to the house of the second pig. The big bad wolf comes to the door of the second little pig. He knocks and proclaims, “Little pig, little pig let me in, or I will huff and puff and blow your house down.”

The two pigs run to the house of their third brother, and tell him what was happening. The third little pig goes to the phone, makes a call and tells the other two not to worry it has been fixed. Just then, the big bad wolf comes to the door of the third little pig. He knocks and proclaims, “Little pig, little pig let me in, or I will huff and puff and blow your house down.”

About that time a black car pulls up, to pigs in black trench coats, dark glasses and top hats jump out, grab the wolf, beat the **** out of him, tossed him in the trunk and race away. The first two little pigs asked their big brother what that was all about and who were those pigs. The third pig replies those were guinea pigs.

[voodoochild]

[chucktx]

Funny!!

[chucktx]

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

[chucktx]

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

[chucktx]

John was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot.

At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

When Walt was finished, Mary asked 'How much for that faucet?' Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.'
'My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!' Mary exclaimed.

Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Walt yelled, 'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?' Mary replied, 'No, but I will for the faucet.'

This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot

[chucktx]

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people."Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
TelephoneService
Civil Service
City, County Public Service
Customer Service
ServiceStations
Service Department
Overnight Service
Secret Service
Cable Service
Service Center

Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us. I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

[chucktx]

very common in the bedroom.......

[chucktx]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third really beautiful woman came up to him and said "Have you ever been f**ked?" The fellow said "No." She said "You will be when the tide comes in .

[Hot01]

Chuck! That's so mean.

I'm still working on the deer/dear pickle riddle.

From the ex:

A Texas farmer and a New Hampshire Farmer were talking one day at a Feed convention. The Texas Farmer asked the New Hampshire Farmer how big was his farm. The New Hampshire Farmer said its a little over 200 acres. The Texas Farmer laughed and said," On My farm I can get into my pickup truck and drive for three days before I reach the other side of the farm." The New Hampshire farmer replies, "Yeah, I used to drive a Ford too."

[chucktx]

that is funny abby......a hint on the deer pickle......put your cursor over it and read the label!

[chucktx]

ne hot, sunny afternoon a gent is lying back on a sun lounger, sipping a cool beer, while his wife struggles to mow the lawn with a clapped-out old lawnmower.
One of their neighbors, hanging out her washing, notices this and decides to comment.
"Look at the state of you!" she yells at the husband. "Sitting there, relaxing, getting drunk while your poor wife struggles to mow your lawn! You should be bloody well hung!"
"I am," he replies, "that's why she's mowing the lawn."


A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "you won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blow job?"

"No, I never found her head."


A man staying at a hotel removed a card offering sexual services from a nearby phone box. Back in his hotel room he rang the number and a woman with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of assistance.
"Yes" he said. "I'd like a doggie in bondage gear, leather, PVC, whips, the lot. And then some hardcore spanking, rounded off with a blow job. What do you think?"
The woman said, "That sounds really good and I'd like to oblige, but if you press 9 first you'll get an outside line

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

[chucktx]

During a commercial airline flight a Navy Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.


The Navy Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "Dayum! And all these years I've been chewing gum.

[chucktx]

A Christmas Story........

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to
feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven
knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and
a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the
elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his
frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into
hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get
the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa.
Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you
like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree!



abby, did ya get the deer/pickle joke???

[Hot01]

yeah, I got it.

[Tiny86]

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two

Black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a

Difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of

The cows had something white at its rear end.'

'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball

With my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's

Fanny.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks

Like yours!''

'I don't remember much after that'