Waitin on the Pourch

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door
of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this,
I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people,
do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year
life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves
and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you
a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and
the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch
and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing
it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the
front porch.

Ruff!

Thanks for splainin'!