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Jokes

Discussion in 'Pull up a chair and sit for a spell' started by chucktx, Aug 7, 2007.

  1. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    :D That was a close one :D
  2. AFNurse

    AFNurse Moderator Staff Member

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    ya....I was hoping that she would proove me wrong!!
  3. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    What Every Guy Wants

    What Every Guy Wants :D
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2011
  4. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    if only!!!!!!!!!!..........................
  5. AFNurse

    AFNurse Moderator Staff Member

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    I would buy one....regardless of cost!
  6. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around
    the country:

    16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
    went through.'

    15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
    after you wear them a while --- like a week.'

    14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate
    a worthless document.'

    13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

    12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
    speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

    11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
    write anything I want to on the ticket, huh? How about 95?'

    10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
    will help. Oh, did I forget to mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

    9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
    again or I'll give you another ticket.'

    8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
    or not. Was Mickey M ouse a cat or a dog?'

    7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
    ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

    6 'Yeah, we do have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
    oven. '

    5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

    4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

    3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
    allowed to write as many tickets as we want.'

    2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
    yours. So you'll know someone downtown who can post your bail.'

    AND THE WINNER IS....

    1 'You didn't think we gave tickets to pretty women? You're right, we
    don't. Sign here.'
  7. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    1/4 Viagra tablet

    1/4 erection


    An old man
    goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra. 'Can I have 6 tablets,
    cut in quarters?'
    'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist ' But a
    quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '
    'I am 96' said the old man, 'I don't want an erection.
    I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't piss on my slippers.'
    :)
  8. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    hehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!
  9. Ashley

    Ashley Active Member

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    Location:
    Izmir Province, Turkey
    A man goes out hunting in the mountains. Comes home with a large deer which he and his wife prepare for a family meal. As the family, he, his wife and three children sit down to eat at the dinner table he decides it would be a good idea to educate the children about the meat and animal they are about to eat.

    He looks at the children, says, “I would like you to try to guess the sort of meat this is, what animal it came from. I’ll give you a clue, my sweet wife sometimes calls me the same name.”



    The youngest daughter screams, “Don’t eat it, it’s a f***ing *******.”
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 16, 2009
  10. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    hehehehehe!!
  11. Slimjim

    Slimjim Active Member

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    What is Celibacy

    Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

    While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

    He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

    Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, 'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'

    And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.
  12. voodoo1

    voodoo1 New Member

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    One Evening

    Mike went to his friend Terry's house to play cards. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike accidenlty dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across he saw that Terry wife has no panties on and was miking it well known to him.
    Mike sat back down and was flushed, He went into the kitchen to get a drink and Terry's wife followed him in and asked him if he liked what he saw. Mike said, "Well, yes I did". Terry's wife said,"For $500 you can get more tommorrow while Terry is at work." Mike thought about his financial situation and then said "ok". The next day Mike went over and the two "went at it." Afterwards he gave her the $500 and left. When Terry came home he asked his wife if Mike had been over today. She figured she was busted so she said, "Yes Mike was here." Terry said, "Good, he came by my work today to borrow $500 and said he would return to you this afternoon.":D
  13. TM103

    TM103 Active Member

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    :roflmao: :roflmao:
  14. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    nice thinking!!!!!!!!
  15. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    That was a good one, :D :roflmao:
  16. wvak47

    wvak47 Active Member

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    Location:
    Chas WV
    A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern
    and sees a sign hanging over the bar, which reads:

    CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
    HAMBURGER: $2.25
    CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
    HAND JOB: $500.00

    Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar
    and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving
    drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.

    'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'can I help you?'

    'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who
    gives the hand-jobs?

    ''Yes", she smiles and purrs, "I sure am".

    The old biker replies, 'Well wash your hands real good cause I want a
    cheeseburger.'
  17. Mayor

    Mayor New Member

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    :rolleyes: :roflmao: :roflmao:
  18. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    New Doctor In Town

    As men age, we start seeing more and more of the medical world and its employees, which nowadays seems to have more and more women as our Physicians and Therapists, etc.., and in this case a new Urologist for me.

    My family Doctor just recently referred me to a "just out of medical school" female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous... as well as unbelievably sexy.

    She told me that I must stop masturbating.

    I asked her why, and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you........."
  19. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    we must go to the same dr.:roflmao: :roflmao:
  20. Mayor

    Mayor New Member

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    :roflmao: :roflmao:

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