Jokes

Well I don't drink Jack, and the wife knows better not to make me choose - her or the Harley

Diary His and Hers

HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY:

Harley wouldn't start today. Can't figure it out, but at least I got laid.

Do you know what a Tupperware salesman and an Eskimo have in common??

They both like a tight seal.

You know what a fat chick and a brick have in common? sooner or later they will both get layed by a Mexican

sorry had to tell it no offense

old road dried out biker pulls up to a one horse town pub. the sign on the door says beer 2bucks , wiskey 2.50 , handjobs 5bucks. so he goes inside sits to the bar, says to the barmaid , you the one givin the handjobs? she says ya. biker says wellya go wash yer hand and get me a beer. guess ya had to be there.

A Doctor,Lawyer and an old Biker were having drinks when The Doctor tells the Boys he got his Wife a string of Pearls and a trip to Cancun. He says if she doesn't like the Pearls, she would like the trip.
The Lawyer said he got her wife a new car and a trip to the Bahamas. If she didn't like the car she would like the trip.
The Biker said he got his old lady a T-Shirt and a dildo. If she didn't like the Shirt she could go screw herself.

It had been said that a Black man would become President of the United States when pigs fly.... Sure enough, 100 days into Obama's Presidency....Swine flu







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:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: Priceless

:roflmao: :roflmao:
OOOOO bama!

I don't forward a lot of stuff, but that one had to go to everybody. Both my conservative and liberal friends. :roflmao: :roflmao:

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot by that robber, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right there.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I think you're bad luck... get the f ** k away from me.'

and that's when the fight started.

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

Hmmm

oops

> Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me
> a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
>
> "Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?"
>
> "When it was over, she came crawling on her hands
> and knees."
>
> "Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
>
> She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chicken-****!!"

My mother sent this to me:

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry
her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each
other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we
go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on
a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he
got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board
and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike
position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!' He said, 'I used to be an
Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each
other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started
doing lengths. After seventy -five lengths she climbed out of the pool,
lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, "That
was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" 'No,' she said,
'I was a prostitute in Memphis, but I worked both sides of the Mississippi.

:roflmao: :roflmao: