Jokes

I Love It! :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

Walking Eagle
President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York .
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.
Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers.”
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” The proud President then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President.


They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of sh!t it can no longer fly.

You all know little Johnny!

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their
work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said, 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said, 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

I went to Wal-Mart and saw they had OBAMA Christmas orniments...now ain't that a bitch? Suddenly it's ok to hang a black man from a tree again

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi.

That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again..

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, "Yes, would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

:roflmao::roflmao:
That is great!

I just got scammed out of $25! Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My favorite 18 holes". Turns out it's about golf. Damn waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

:roflmao::roflmao:to all above. Do you remember when Ronald Reagan was president and there was Bob Hope and Johnny Cash? Now there is Obama, no hope and no cash.

More of The Worlds Shortest Books 2009:


THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE by Barack Obama
____________________________________________



OTHER BLACK PEOPLE I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING
by Tiger Woods
______________________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore

________________________________________

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINAby Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton

_______________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY the Sequel
By Bill Clinton

___________________________________

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden

___________________________________

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

____________________________________

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________

THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J.. Kevorkian
__________________________________

TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ......
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
_____________________________

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
________________________________

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev.Jesse Jackson
*******************************************************
AND, JUST Released:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi