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Jokes

Discussion in 'Pull up a chair and sit for a spell' started by chucktx, Aug 7, 2007.

Page 35 of 61
  1. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    hehehehe!!!!!!
    chucktx, Jan 1, 2010
    #681
  3. amf4399

    amf4399 Active Member

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    I think this has been around but its still funny

    by Jeff Foxworhty


    "YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

    1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

    2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

    3. You have more wives than teeth.

    4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

    5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

    6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

    7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

    8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

    9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

    10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

    11. your cousin is president of the United States
    amf4399, Jan 1, 2010
    #682
  4. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    hehehehehe!!!
    chucktx, Jan 1, 2010
    #683
  5. Lucifer

    Lucifer Well-Known Member

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    Lucifer, Jan 3, 2010
    #684
  6. Lucifer

    Lucifer Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Cape Breton NS,Canada
    First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet
    school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.
    They all gathered around the surgery table with
    the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by
    telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two
    important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by
    anything involving the animal body.' For an example, the Professor pulled
    back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it
    and stuck his finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same
    thing,' he told his students.
    The students freaked out, hesitated for several
    minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening
    of the dead cow and sucking on it.
    When everyone finished, the Professor looked at
    them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck
    in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.' 'Now learn to pay
    attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.
    Lucifer, Jan 21, 2010
    #685
  7. quietone

    quietone Active Member

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    Remember the good old days when you had your finger in a dike, and you were holding back water
    quietone, Jan 21, 2010
    #686
  8. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    FLHTbiker, Jan 21, 2010
    #687
  9. amf4399

    amf4399 Active Member

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    amf4399, Jan 25, 2010
    #688
  10. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    :d
    chucktx, Jan 25, 2010
    #689
  11. hotroadking

    hotroadking Super Moderator Staff Member

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    Bartender's Special

    A guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blond woman's boobs and splashes all over them... The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs..

    Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens. So after his third beer, he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

    He is laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?'
    'Duh,' says the blond, 'He has a licker license !'
    hotroadking, Jan 27, 2010
    #690
  12. cowboy

    cowboy Moderator Staff Member

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    :gah:I knew I forgot something:roflmao:
    cowboy, Jan 27, 2010
    #691
  13. TM103

    TM103 Active Member

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    :roflmao: Lucky bartender
    TM103, Jan 28, 2010
    #692
  14. plumbertom

    plumbertom Active Member

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    Me too!
    plumbertom, Feb 1, 2010
    #693
  15. amf4399

    amf4399 Active Member

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    Life summed up in four bottles

    Attached Files:

    amf4399, Feb 1, 2010
    #694
  16. chucktx

    chucktx Moderator Staff Member

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    funny!!! true, but funny!
    chucktx, Feb 1, 2010
    #695
  17. amf4399

    amf4399 Active Member

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    I have been stuck on the 3rd bottle since I was 15.
    amf4399, Feb 1, 2010
    #696
  18. FLHTbiker

    FLHTbiker Moderator Staff Member

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    Where do I get my Licker License, :D:D:D
    FLHTbiker, Feb 1, 2010
    #697
  19. amf4399

    amf4399 Active Member

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    At a licker store. ...................................that was bad I know
    amf4399, Feb 3, 2010
    #698
  20. cowboy

    cowboy Moderator Staff Member

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    A blond might belive it :roflmao:
    cowboy, Feb 3, 2010
    #699
  21. hotroadking

    hotroadking Super Moderator Staff Member

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    A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

    'Come now,' coaxed the doctor, 'you've been seeing me for years.

    There's nothing you can't tell me.. ''This one's kind of strange...'

    'Let me be the judge of that, 'The doctor replied.

    'Well,' she said, 'yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a

    plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of

    pennies. ''I see.' 'That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and,

    plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl. 'That night,' she went on, 'I

    went again, Plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were

    quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!' she implored.

    'I'm scared out of my wits!' The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her

    shoulder. 'There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.'

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    (Ready for this?)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    (I'm warning you.....)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    (Still not too late....delete now!)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    'You're simply going through 'the change'!
    hotroadking, Feb 4, 2010
    #700
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