Jokes

i got random...........lol

yep missed them all

This little guy is sitting at the bar staring at his
drink,when a threateningly leering biker
steps up next to him, grabs his drink and
gulps it down in one swig. "Well, watcha' gonna
do about it?" he says menacingly, as the little guy
bursts into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says,
" I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man
crying." "This is the worst day of my life," says the
little guy. "I`m a complete failure. I was late to a
meeting, and my Boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car stolen and I don't have
any insurance, I left my wallet in the cab I took home.
I found my wife in bed with the gardener and then my
dog bit me. "So I came to this bar to work
up the courage to put an end to it all. "I buy a drink,
I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison
dissolve. Then a wise-ass like you shows up and drinks
the whole thing!"

lmao!!!!!!!

:roflmao::roflmao: yep cover his asz up & getting even

[YOUTUBE]N4JBj0kxef8&[/YOUTUBE]

Now that's a good leak :roflmao::roflmao:

Re: Jokes, Drinking with an Arizona Girl

Drinking with a Arizona Girl

A Mexican, an Arab,

and a Arizona girl are

in the same bar.

When the Mexican

finishes his beer,

he throws his glass

in the air, pulls out

his pistol, and shoots

the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In Mexico ,

our glasses are so

cheap we don't need

to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously

impressed by this,

drinks non-alcohol beer

(cuz he's a muslim!),

throws it into the

air, pulls out his

AK-47, and shoots

the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In the

Arab World, we have

so much sand to make

glasses that we don't

need to drink with

the same one twice either.'

The Arizona girl,

cool as a cucumber,

picks up her beer,

downs it in one gulp,

throws the glass into

the air, whips out her

45, and shoots the

Mexican and the Arab.

Catching her glass,

setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill,

she says,

'In Arizona ,

we have so many

illegal aliens that

we don't have to

drink with the same ones twice.'

God Bless Arizona

I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your will power'

A woman buys a wall mirror from B & Q, manager says 'would you like a screw for that mirror' No she said 'but I'd suck your **** for a lawn mower'.

I got fired on my first day as a masseur today. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean ' What I thought it did '

A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatso, you'll lose it eventually '

Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'

One of life's great mysteries -
How is it that a woman can fit a seven inch vibrator into her half inch fanny, IN THE DARK............ but she's unable to fit an eight foot car into a fifteen foot parking space IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?

Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be bloody lucky with a face like that!'

I have a new chat up line that works everytime!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them...............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!

:roflmao: sure wish that would realy work

Sven had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It
seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been
able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day,
they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their
first legal drink.

So when Sven's 21st birthday came a round, he and
his pal Boris took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Sven stepped
out of the boat .... and nearly drowned! Boris just barely managed to
pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Sven went to see his
grandmother. 'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I
walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before
him?

Granny looked deeply into Sven's troubled eyes and said, “Because
your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in
January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you
dumbass.”

go grandma:roflmao: