Jokes

Tonto & the Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt and said "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it. Soon Silver was starting to feel better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy says to him, "Nothin' much, I just wanted you to know....you left your Injun running.

That was good not sure how he pulled that off

Speaks for itself

THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS THAT ALREADY HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR...

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge Democrat black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously *** man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the *** man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"

At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the *** man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. "What did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."

Only the democrats should be offended

I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed.
She was known as oral high Jean.
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Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny.
That's nice I thought, 'two lips from Amsterdam' !
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My dad worked on the roadworks for twenty years before he got fired for stealing.
At first I didn't believe it.... but when I got home all the signs were there.
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A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.
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My girlfriend says that a small penis wont affect our relationship.
Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all !
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A woman is walking down the street and see's a sign in the pet shop window reading, "FANNY LICKING FROG £25"
Curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, "I'd like to see the fanny licking frog please."
To which the shop keeper replies, "Bonjour !"
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I was on a train this morning, in the loo, when a voice called out
"Can I see your ticket please ?" "Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a shit."
"I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door."
"No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are Sweetcorn !"
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My son asked me today "What's the difference between a crow and a blackbird ?"
I told him, "Crows have somewhat heavier beaks, fan shaped tails and live on insects.
A blackbird has big rubbery lips, a fat arse and lives on benefits."
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Everyone's a comedian nowadays.Even the paramedic who was unable to resuscitate Whitney couldn't avoid a gag !
When he radioed dispatch he said..... "It's Houston, we have a problem !"

Spring in Alaska for one town