Jokes

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"



3 Wishes

Guy finds bottle on the beach, rubs it, Genie appears and says... "Ok.... you know the drill. You get three wishes.....but the catch is that whatever you wish for, every lawyer in the world gets double."

Wish 1. "How about a billion dollars."

Genie. "Granted, but every lawyer in the world gets two billion"

Wish 2. "A woman that's perfect and beautiful in every way"

Genie. " Granted, but every lawyer in the world gets two women that are perfect and beautiful in every way.

Wish 3. "I'd like to have a kidney removed.

You guys are killing me!!!

LOL...

LOL !

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm, 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm.
'What sort of horse?' said the owner.
'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare.
'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her eyeth?'
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes.
'Nithe eyeth.', says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her teeth?'
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
Nithe teeth.... Can I see her eerth?' the dwarf says.
The owner is getting fed up but again picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears.
'Nithe eerth.' He says, 'Now...can I see her twot?'
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina.
He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says:
'Perhaps I should weefwaze that. Can I see her wun awound?

This is great!

THE BROTHEL

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'.
The man replied, ' Ontario '.
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'

The moral of the story is that 3 things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Funny!!! thanks for sharing.

Do ya still have Kristy Kreme ?? They tried up here and dunkin ran em out.

Krispy Kreme is in $$ trouble...They expanded to fast and have had to close some stores...Don't care for them...