Jokes

LOL...This is funny...

hahaha now thats funny no matter who u r!.....except Pelosi maybe

FOX News reported today that Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black," the African-American version of "Snow White” has been canceled. All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Homeboy, and Shank have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes. They also say they damn sure have no intention of singing, "It's off to work we go."

OMG I think I dropped a nut! LMFAO

Proper grammar is critical:

A Mexican, a Black man, a Muslim and a Redneck
were walking together on a beach when the Black man stumbled
over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the
sand off it, and a Genie appeared.

"I can only grant four wishes," the Genie said. "Since there are
four of you, you may have a wish apiece." Pointing at the Black,
he said, "Since you found the bottle, you may have the first
wish."

The Black man thought for a moment then said, "I wish for a fleet of
ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to
our homeland, Africa ." Poof! It was done! Thousands of ships
appeared on the skyline.

The Mexican said, "I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all my
peoples back to our homeland, May-he-co!" Poof! It was done! Row
after row of Chevrolet pickups appeared on the
beach.

The Muslim said, "I wish for a hundred thousand camels to take all
of my people away from this horrible country loaded with
infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve
Allah." Poof! It was done! A hundred thousand camels suddenly
appeared on the beach.

Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, "And what is your
wish?"

The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the
border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships
sailing out into the sunset, then he looked at all of the
Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding
off.

The Redneck said, "Just give me a Bud. It doesn't get any
better than this!"

Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind is called Smurf Sex: This kind of sex happens when you
first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the
face.

The 2nd kind is called Kitchen Sex: This is when you have been with
your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex
anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called Bedroom Sex: This is when you have
been with your partner for a long time. Your love life has gotten
routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called Hallway Sex: This is when you have
been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the
hallway you both say "Screw" you.'

The 5th kind is called Catholic Sex: Which means you get "Nun" in
> > the morning, "Nun" in the afternoon and "Nun" at night. (Very
Popular!!!)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex: This is when you cannot stand
your wife any more. She takes you to court and "screws" you in front
of everyone.

And, last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called Social
Security Sex: You get a little each month but not enough to enjoy
yourself.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
I have enough problems of my own!!!

Man came home at 4am drunker than Cooder Brown. Had a chicken under his arm. Wife met him at the door mad, like always. He said, "this is the pig I been screwin'''. Wife says, 'you idiot, that's a chicken!'' Man says, ''I was talkin to the chicken''.

Ha!

LOL...Wonder what he wuz doin with da chicken?

My new neighbor is an absolute knockout. She could pass for the best looking woman in the world...

She's single...

She lives right across the road.

I can see her place from my deck.

I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway and knocked on my door.


I rushed to open it, she looks at me and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good
time, get drunk, and make love all night long!

Are you busy tonight?"

I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm Free, and I have no plans at all!"


She said, "Great! Could you watch my dog?"


Being a senior citizen really sucks!

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And...

6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE amazing facts are,

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

There must be a sheet load of people in Washington playing marbles.

More true than funny from where I'm sitting.

Did you know there are various sexual positions that cause ugly babies?


Yeah go ask your mom.